Leaving our children in the care of others may be difficult but finding a good sitter is priceless

I remember when Emma, my oldest, was born. I was, as all mamas are, over the moon in love with her. I knew that I would love her, but I never realized while pregnant the extent to which I would be "in love" with her and how immediate the reaction would be upon her birth. I also remember the first time I was struck by the proposition of leaving her at home in the care of someone else. In my case I was only contemplating leaving her with her father, my husband--not too far fetched an idea--right? It was pouring rain, she was three weeks old, and I had some business that required me to physically go into an office on campus (My husband and I were both in grad school.). I felt so miserable at the prospect of leaving her that I called the office and explained that I really needed to take care of it over the phone because I couldn't possibly traipse across campus in the rain with a newborn. I failed to mention that I had the option of leaving her at home. :) Now, don't get me wrong, my distaste for leaving my newborn at home had nothing to do with my trust, or lack thereof, in my husband's ability to care for her. I simply couldn't bear the separation from her. The first time I left her at home with her daddy, I physically felt a loss at the distance between us. Eventually, I overcame the sick feeling I had initially at leaving her and was able to run out quickly when necessary. Until, that is, I went back to my part-time assistantship on campus. I vividly remember my first day back, standing at the elevator bay waiting for the doors to open. A colleague who hadn't seen me for months warmly greeted me. How did I respond? Why, bursting into tears, of course! I absolutely hated every second I was away from Emma, and she was safely in the care of her father. By the time our second, Charlotte, was born two years later, we'd agreed that we would do whatever we had to do so that I could be home with our girls. What a blessing that decision has been!

You might wonder if I continued having such difficulty leaving our children (No), or if I was ever able to leave them in the care of someone other than my husband. The answer to the latter is definitively, "Yes!" As Emma grew older and Charlotte came along, leaving them occasionally with a friend was not problematic for me. We generally took them with us whenever we went somewhere, but there were times when we had to leave them behind for one thing or another. You might also wonder if our girls were affected by my initial anxiety at leaving them, and, were they plagued with their own separation anxiety? Thankfully, no, my children have been blessed with an innate ability to go with the flow and a love of others to the extent that even if I am in the room, it is not uncommon to see my girls curled up in the lap of another mama or papa. I believe God gave my girls these personalities because of what He had in store for our family.

In 2009, I was expecting twins (two more girls) and learned at 21 weeks that they had twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. TTTS is a devastating condition that only occurs in identical twins who share one placenta. In TTTS one twin donates blood and nutrients across the shared placenta to her sister. The donor is threatened by severe anemia and lack of nutrition while the recipient is at risk of heart failure from too much blood flow. Because of the dire situation facing our twins, we were forced to leave Emma (3 at the time) and Charlotte (then 17 months) often while we drove between Bloomington, Indiana and Cincinnati, Ohio to see specialists. Though we had no family in Indiana, we had a phenomenal support network of friends and church family. A dear friend created a Google calendar where ladies could sign up to care for our girls. Within an hour, at least three weeks were covered! When I was admitted for inpatient hospitalization (an hour and a half from home) at 26 weeks so our babies could be closely monitored, I had to completely give up all control over the care and well-being of Emma and Charlotte.

Every day during the 7 weeks I spent in the hospital, my big girls were in the care of someone different. Some of the ladies who cared for them were close friends, and therefore, well-known to the girls, but others were faithful women of our church who were less familiar to the girls. Through it all, our girls were generally pleasant and seemingly unaffected in any longstanding way by the separation. We could not have been more blessed to have women who took our girls in every day and didn't just "baby-sit" but truly loved them as their own. I trusted that while I concentrated on our unborn daughters, my big girls were having every one of their needs met by someone else's loving hands. In the end all the sacrifice paid off when our twins were born early (at 32 weeks) but otherwise healthy, weighing 3 pounds 11 ounces and 2 pounds 10 ounces. If you'd like to read more about our harrowing journey with TTTS, please check out my other blog: http://www.holmesfamilyindiana.blogspot.com/. *Note: I have not been great about updating it since the babies were born in May 2009, but the months leading up to their birth are exhaustive.

It may be hard to tell how tiny Anne-Claire and Elise (6 weeks old) are in this shot until you realize that Charlotte is 19 months and Emma is 3 years old. Charlotte's small toddler hand swallows Anne-Claire's itty bitty little head.

Anne-Claire and Elise came home at 7 weeks old, and a month later, we left our loving and supportive network and moved. Not fun, but what the Lord had for us. As soon as I was able, I joined our local MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers). The babies were only three months old, so I didn't know about leaving them in childcare. I decided to go check it out to see for myself if I would be able to leave them. The childcare set-up for my MOPS group is FABULOUS! Basically, the baby room had a 1:1 ratio, and Anne-Claire and Elise would be well cared for. It was at that first MOPS that I met Jessica.

I only learned recently about the instant connection that Jessica and her sister, Stephanie, felt with Anne-Claire and Elise. Apparently, it was love at first sight. Jessica and Stephanie even made up nicknames for the girls (unbeknownst to me). They thought it would be funny if Anne-Claire's middle name was the commonly chosen middle name, "Anne," so her name would be "Anne-Claire Anne." They also thought Elise sounded a lot like feliz, so they called her "Elise Navidad." Too cute! Anyway, I happily left my still pretty tiny babies with Jessica and Stephanie because I trusted them, and they never let me down. In fact, later in the year, when I learned that Jessica might be leaving MOPS duty to become a nanny in a neighboring city, I was deeply saddened and a little concerned. Would I still feel so comfortable leaving them so I could enjoy some much needed adult conversation?

I needn't have worried because in January, Jessica was there waiting in the baby room for Anne-Claire and Elise! Her nanny job had fallen through, so I saw it as a perfect opportunity to get some much-needed help at home with my girls. I hired Jessica to come over to watch them, so I could go grocery shopping and run errands. I had quickly realized that it was virtually impossible for me to grocery shop with two babies in infant seats and still have room for any food in the cart. To say that our family has been blessed by Jessica and her husband, Travis, would be an understatement.


Jessica jumped right in and became, in an instant, invaluable to me. She effortlessly kept my girls and my home running smoothly in my absence. She loves my girls, and they love her! She painted their toes, braided their hair, read them books, and helped them make rice crispie treats. She put them down for naps, took them for walks, and danced around the living room with them. Travis would come over and take them fishing in the pond--what fun! And if Elise needed to be rushed to the ER in the middle of the night, guess who we called? Jessica and Travis. When we had to be at a "crack of dawn" appointment with the babies, Jessica and Travis agreed to take Emma and Charlotte the night before. When the appointment had to be cancelled at the last minute, the big girls went to their house for a sleepover anyway and had a BLAST!! They baked brownies, watched movies, and slept in a tent in the living room! So, why are most of my explanation of our family's relationship with Jessica and Travis in the past tense? Well, sadly, last week we had to say good-bye to them because they moved across the country!


We couldn't be any sadder to have to say good-bye to our beloved Jessica and Travis! In the two years that Jessica has cared for our girls, she and Travis have become part of our family. She will always be more than a sitter or a nanny to our girls. Our family has been dreading their moving day, and now that Jessica and Travis are settling into their new home we remember the fun times and look forward to when we will see them again. So, while we wait for our next meeting, our girls are able to listen to the book Jessica and Travis recorded for them and imagine they're right here, and we can also read each other's blogs and keep up on Facebook. And we can be thankful for the time we did have. I've come a long way from the nervous mama who couldn't dream of leaving her daughter, but now the difficult part is finding someone I trust implicitly with my children. What's the value of a good sitter, nanny, friend? Priceless.

**You can read a sweet post Jessica wrote about her relationship with our girls here.